Sephiroth The Virile
by darkpyroangel06
Summary: Sephiroth is getting letters from women stating they all want him to meet his children. Wait, children!Please don't hate me for what I've done to FFVII. I want to claim I am drunk, but I can't since I don't drink. sigh I can only please sanity...


Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII. I don't own Sephiroth. I don't even know who does actually. But I do know that that is one lucky person. Also, I don't own any other characters mentioned in here. I do own all the women, all the bastard children, the butler, and the maid. And the cook, but he's never mentioned so forget about him.

A/N: Please don't hate me for what I'm about to do to Sephiroth. My friend Kimi gave me this idea while she was taunting me about the Kingdom Hearts videogame for the PS2. I can't get off the island. Yeah, lame I know. I can beat Final Fantasy VII, I can beat anyone at poker, I can shoot a deer. I can't get off the damn island in Kingdom Hearts. Go ahead and laugh at me. I don't care. Just don't hate me for what I'm about to do.

Chapter… The Only

Sephiroth sat in his chair, doing what he always did when not try to kill a certain person by the name of Cloud or take over the world. Nothing. Yeah, nothing. Everyone has to have a day off, right? Well, today was Sephiroth's. As was yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. Actually, that day Jessica had been over. Yes, that was one chick he would like to keep around when he took over the world for good. And Brittany. And Lauren. And Isobel. And Marie. And… Oh what was her name? Krystal! That's it. Krystal can stay as well. Oh, and let's not forget Stephanie. She was hot.

But, that was three days ago, and not today. So, today, Sephiroth sat in his comfy chair and stared at his fireplace. There was a glass sitting on the table next to him that had long ago been drained of its wine. Good wine. A gift from… Arly? Or was it Arleth? Arleth, yes that was the one. She had good tastes. Of course she did. She had been with Sephiroth, hadn't she? In fact… Sephiroth brought a hand to his face as he thought about it. "Yes," he murmured aloud, "she had lasted the longest of them all. Three weeks I allowed her to hang about. I liked Arleth."

He sighed and returned his gaze to the nonexistent fire before him. A slight noise turned his gaze to the door. A few moments later, there was a sharp tapping at his doors. _Who in their right mind would interrupt me?_ he wondered as he stood to answer the door. There were only three others in the mansion with him: his butler, his maid, and the chef, and only one of them knew where his study was. He opened the door and sure enough, Mantel was standing before him.

"Pardon me, sir," he drawled quietly, "but there are some letters for you."

"You know how to answer them," Sephiroth said, moving to close the door.

"I believe," Mantel said, pushing the door open once more with his hand, "that you may want to read these for yourself. And answer them in fact, as I haven't a clue as to how. These two came yesterday. These three today. I will be more than happy to be sure they are sent out for you in the morning." With that, he left.

Sephiroth stood there with the five letters in his hand, staring after his servant. It only took a moment to snap back to himself and return to the privacy of his study. "Letters," he mused. "What could they possibly contain that Mantel wouldn't know how to handle himself?" He opened the first one and looked at the writing. Familiar, but not nameable.

_Dearest Sephiroth,_

_This letter must come as some sort of shock, though I am positive you are not showing an ounce of it. You never were one to wear your heart upon your sleeve. But enough stalling. This letter was written for a purpose. I have written to tell you of something I am sure you wish to know about: your daughter. She is seven this next month and her name is Jacinda. She wishes to meet her father. I have told her of you, but never your name or why you could not be here with her. She loves you, and speaks of you often. Please tell me that I may tell her that her father will be able to see her? You know how to contact me._

_Sincerely,_

_Sophia_

Sophia! He'd forgotten all about Sophia. He'd had a tryst with her for the two days he was away from Jennifer when he'd gotten a tip on some stolen goods that were his in the first place. He'd promptly made his way back to his black-haired beauty. But a daughter! By the Gods, she'd never contacted him to tell him of his impending fatherhood. Seven years next month. Amazing. He put the paper down next to his empty wineglass and read the next letter.

_Sephiroth,_

_I merely write to tell you of Miguel and Antoine. They are your sons, ages five and two. I know this is sudden, but I wish that they not know their mother was some fling to a wandering father. Perhaps a visit can be arranged?_

_Tacita_

Another one?! Why did she not tell him? He could have supported her, or helped her, or something. He sighed, placing that letter on top of Sophia's before reaching for the next one.

_Sephiroth,_

_You must come immediately. I cannot do this alone anymore. You knew when you met me I was married, and happily. I had three children. But Marcus died three years ago, suspicious of the two children you fathered. And then you fathered another two after he died. I cannot handle all seven children on my own. I need help from someone. Who better than their father? I only ask for help for the youngest four, as they are yours. You have three sons and a daughter._

_Keaton - 6_

_Sylvan - 5_

_Fintan - 3_

_Faye - 1_

_Seven children on my own is too much. And the village knows they are not all Marcus'. Please._

_Lauren_

"This is ridiculous. If she needed help she should have contacted me after the second one. What was his name? Sylvan. I just… This is ridiculous!" He moved to the third letter. "Another one?!"

_Sephiroth,_

_I doubt you even remember me. My name is Brittany. I just wanted to let you know of your daughter, Michelle. She just turned two a few months ago._

_Brittany_

"Brittany… Brittany… She's right. I don't remember her. It was two years ago though, so that's no surprise. Let's look at this last one then," he said with a sigh. "No wonder Mantel didn't know how to answer these."

_Sephiroth, _

_I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from after what happened the last time you saw me, but I feel I should let you know that I'm pregnant. I know the child is yours. It could be no other's._

_Questa_

"Oh for the love of-! All of this is absurd. If they were really all mine they would have contacted me sooner. This one here," he paused in his monologue to shift through the letters, "says that I have a daughter who's seven. Seven years she waited to tell me. This has nothing to do with me. It's ludicrous. Mantel!" He waited the few minutes it would take for Mantel to enter the office once more. "These letters are false and demeaning. I want nothing to do with them."

"Of course, sir." He took them and left the office, wondering what to do with them.

_**Two Weeks Later**_

"Emily? What is the meaning of… _this_?"

"Master Sephiroth!" the maid said, slightly frightened from the way he'd snuck up behind her. He was standing in front of the spreadsheet she and Mantel had been filling in as to when his bastard children were born and where they were at this time. "This is just… I mean we were… There's nothing… I just…"

"I know what it is and I know what you were doing. Who is this 'we', Emily? Is Mantel in on this as well?"

"Of course not-!"

"Emily? Three more letters today. Do we have enough space for all of… the… Master Sephiroth, sir. I didn't realize you were home. How may we help you today?"

"Oh, nothing really. I had simply decided to come home and make sure everything was doing well and there was nothing wrong. I come down to see how things are getting on, and instead find a detailed account as to the whereabouts of my… children." He sneered at the last word. "Who authorized this?"

Neither said anything for a moment. Then, Mantel steeled himself and took a small step forward. "I did sir. You said not to worry about the first five that came, that there was nothing to it. But more came everyday. Sometimes it was just one or two; other times it was six or seven. I knew there had to be some truth to it, so I decided to write everything down. When there seemed to be a never ending influx of letters, I asked for Emily's help. For the past week, she's been writing to the women and asking them to send more information and pictures of the children. We have twenty-three children now, and three pregnancies. There's even a set of twins, sir."

"They are not my children!" he growled. "I would have been contacted earlier. Some of these children are nine years old!"

"I agree sir, you should have been contacted earlier," Mantel said, trying to placate the man. He wasn't the only on to notice the way his hand twitched toward Masamune. "Some of these children look just like you, and you know there are few others who share your appearance. I remember most of these names from other times sir, like Sophia and Krystal. I don't believe this is all a complete hoax on your behalf. Most of these women do not live close to each other."

"They are not mine!"

"Then who fathered this one?!" Emily nearly shouted, thrusting a picture of a small girl child in front of her employer's face. "Does she not have your eyes and your hair? What of her nose? Surely you are not blind, Sir?"

"You overstep your bounds, Emily," Sephiroth growled quietly, threateningly.

"Please Sir, just look at the pictures," Mantel asked. "Surely you remember these women?"

After a few moments, Sephiroth nodded once. "Most of them, yes."

"Ah! Then there is a possibility that this could all hold some bit of truth?"

Sephiroth grumbled under his breath, then nodded once.

"Should we… Should we invite them to come here, Sir?" Emily asked cautiously. "Many of these women merely want you to meet your children. Others, like Lauren need help since she has so many children. You must agree sir, seven children is a lot to handle. And four of them are yours. Even, even…" She paused for a moment to shift through the letters. "Ah, here we go. Arleth has five, all fathered by you Sir. They need some kind of help."

"Then they should learn to keep their legs closed!"

"Sir!" Mantel said, surprised.

"Now you listen here," Emily said, shaking a finger at Sephiroth. "That's no way to talk to a woman, especially if she's not here to defend herself, and especially if she's carried your children. I'm writing to these women and asking them to come here, at different times, so you may meet your children. Who knows, you may even like them." And with that, Emily gathered up all the letters and the chart and left the sitting room to start writing letters. Sephiroth and Mantel stood staring after her in shock.

..l.. ..l.. ..l.. ..l.. ..l..

"Who am I meeting today?" Sephiroth groaned as he was pulled out of bed by Mantel. "What little monsters must I deal with now? And which whiney wench?"

Mantel chuckled good-naturedly. "I believe Emily has lined up Jessica for today. She's bringing your nine year old daughter Tiffany and your eight year old son Bryan." He helped Sephiroth into the bathroom to wake up before moving back to the bedroom to lay out his clothes for him.

"Such horrible, common names," Sephiroth groused when he came out from his shower. "Tiffany. Bryan. Jessica. She must have been pretty for me to overlook her name. Well, let's get this over with. I am tired from yesterday. Who knew children could be more evil than me?" Mantel just snickered as he waited for Sephiroth to dress. "You saw them Mantel! Yareli and Aedan climbing all over everything, and Barnett drooling over everything else. Konner had question after question. And Janiya! I think she was the worst! No wonder Arleth needed help. Demon spawn! All of them!"

"Actually, Sir, they would be _your_ spawn. Come now! I believe I hear Emily letting Jessica in."

Mantel led Sephiroth downstairs to meet Jessica and their two children. The day went much better than the day before, with Sephiroth trying to get to know the two children. It was easier seeing as how they were older. And Jessica really only wanted her children to meet their father. When they left, Emily prepared dinner for her, Mantel, and Sephiroth. It was over dinner that she told Sephiroth about the next days' visit.

"Tomorrow there will be two women here," she announced. "The reason they are coming together is because they are sisters. Jovita has twins, and boy and a girl age eight. And Jerica has a one year old boy. They thought it would be easier to come together rather than come on two different days. Besides, it will make the children more comfortable to have someone they know here."

"But won't that make things awkward for the women? I mean, they're sisters. I slept with them both and have children from them both. So the kids are brothers and sister, and cousins? Oh, that's just weird. I'm getting a pedigree and a release form from any woman I sleep with again." Sephiroth put his head in his hands and groaned.

"Maybe, but the kids will feel better. And that's all that matters really. So just be prepared for both women tomorrow."

"What were their names?"

"Jovita and Jerica."

"Why did their mother name them both with 'j's? How will I tell them apart?"

..l.. ..l.. ..l.. ..l.. ..l..

Sure enough, the next day there were two women and three children who greeted Sephiroth in the large living room he used for these meetings. He was quite shocked when they entered however. The two women, although sisters, looked almost nothing alike. One was blonde with blue eyes, the other a redhead with brown eyes. One was tall and very thin, while the other was shorter and not fat, but as thin as her sister either. The twins stood on each side of the thin woman while the one year old sat on the shorter woman's hip. Sephiroth greeted them all by name. And that was another shock. The two twins were very formal in their greetings to him as well. Michael bowed and Jolynn curtsied while both intoned, "Good morning, Father."

Jovita and Jerica both inclined their heads in greeting to Sephiroth. "Hello again, Sephiroth," Jovita said. Jerica kept quiet, being the younger of the two. They all sat down, Jerica keeping her toddler on her lap while Michael and Jolynn sat on the floor at their mother's feet. "I must say, I was surprised you answered out letters. I didn't think you would, to tell the truth."

"The truth then? Is that what we're speaking here?"

"Nothing but," Jerica piped up, her eyes not blinking at all. She was very serious in her words.

"The truth then. I wasn't going to answer the letters. You were not the only two women I received letters from." The looks on their faces told him that they had suspected, and probably expected, as much. "When I was given the first five by my butler, I waved it off. I came home several weeks later to see him and my maid creating a chart to find out all the births and conceivings of my children. I have been meeting with them all week here, in this room. Last night, my maid told me I would be meeting both of you here, today, at the same time. I must admit, I was terrified."

Jerica laughed quietly. "What would the great Sephiroth have to fear?" Jovita questioned with a smirk.

He leaned forward and arched one eyebrow. "Two days ago, a woman and her five children were here, ages nine, seven, four, two, and one. Five heathens of children. One drooled, two ran about and jumped on everything, one followed me and mimicked everything I did, and one questioned everything I did and said. It was a nightmare!" He leant back in his seat again. "Your children… They are marvelous! Perfectly mannered and quiet. How did you do it?"

"Simple. We raised them as you would have. Granted, they have their days," Jovita allowed, placing one hand on each of her children's heads, "but they are most often like this. It allows me to help Jerica with Ulani. Babies are always a handful, no matter what you teach them or how. Thankfully, he's entering his toddler stage and will become more manageable as time goes on."

"Do they speak?" Sephiroth asked after a short time, looking at the twins.

"Of course," Jovita answered. "Ask them anything; they will respond. Allow them to talk freely, and they shall. As I said, we raised them as we thought you would have. Without the fighting, of course."

"Ah, of course." He looked thoughtfully between Michael and Jolynn. "What are your favourite things?"

"I like reading," Michael immediately said. "I like to sit outside in the shade somewhere and read all day long. But Mother never lets me do that. I'm allowed to read after I've done my chores and studies. But only until it grows dark. Then I must go back inside."

"I like to work in the gardens," Jolynn began. "Mother has five gardens, two for flowers and three for small crops. She lets me take care of them as part of my chores. I don't mind at all. I like the feel of the dirt between my fingers. Mother makes me come inside well before Michael so I can wash up and help her fix dinner. We both help care for Ulani when Auntie Jerica needs help."

"What about foods?"

"I like-"

"What's this then?!" a new voice rang out. Sephiroth was immediately on his feet, wanting to know who was in his home and who had snuck up on him. He saw red the instant his eyes landed on the intruder's face: Cloud Strife, archnemesis. As he reached for Masamune, he paused. "Who's kids are these? I didn't think you had any family. And if you did, you probably would have killed them off by now I'm sure."

"Father wouldn't kill us," Michael immediately cut in, standing beside his mother and aunt.

"Father?!"

"Father's never even met us before today. He couldn't have known where we were to kill us even if he did want to," Jolynn continued to explain to the newcomer as she too stood.

Cloud's eyes bugged out of their sockets at this proclamation.

"Hush children!" Jerica hissed, clutching Ulani closer to her.

"No no," Sephiroth said, straightening away from Masamune with a smile. If this was how he reacted to just the three of his kids… "Please, let them continue. I want to see where this goes. Jolynn, Michael, say hello to Cloud Strife. Strife, these are three of my children: Michael, Jolynn, and Ulani."

"Greetings, Mr. Strife," Michael said with a bow.

Jolynn curtsied and said, "Hello, Mr. Strife."

"Just three?!"

"Oh no, there are many more." Sephiroth really was having a wonderful time. "Mantel! Emily!" When the two walked into the room, they froze at the sight of Cloud. "What was the count of my children up to last time you checked?"

"The… the children, sir?" Mantel asked, confused as to why there was no fighting.

"Yes, man, the children. How many are there to your knowledge?"

"Twenty-seven, Sir," Emily answered in his stead. "With three pregnant women as well."

"Ah, there you have it. Thirty. That's assuming the pregnant women are all having single children and that there are no more out there who have mothered my children."

"Thirty?!"

"Do we really have twenty-seven brothers and sisters, Father?" Jolynn asked.

"Why yes you do, Jolynn. I've been meeting them all week."

"Meeting them? Why don't you know them already if you're their father?"

"Because I didn't know they existed." The blank look on Cloud's face caused him to sigh and then continue to explain. It really was only tolerated because Sephiroth was laughing his head off on the inside. "You see, over the past ten or so years, I've needed a way to release the stress that was building up. Mainly your fault, by the way. So I started sleeping with women along the way to wherever I went to track you down. Now, most of those women have started contacting me to let me know of my fatherhood. Or impending fatherhood as is the case of three women." Before he had finished his last sentence, there was a loud thud.

"Father, why did Mr. Strife fall over like that? It's very rude."

"I agree, Michael. He was just stunned into unconsciousness from everything I'd just told him." Sephiroth smiled. "Emily, Mantel, I believe we should gather all of my children together at one time, and then pay Strife and his little friends a visit. How does that sound to everyone?"

After a moment of tense silence, Mantel answered with, "You should give us some time to get all the letters out, Sir." And so he did. Three weeks from that time, Sephiroth and all twenty-eight of his bourn children (he was still expecting two more) and their mothers met together to face Cloud, Barret, Tifa, Cid, Yuffie, Vincent, and Red XIII. Cloud was the only one to remain standing when the news that all the children present were Sephiroth's bastard children, and even he was brought to his knees in laughter.

Things were never the same again…

..l.. ..l.. ..l.. ..l.. ..l..

**A/N:** Okay, I have no idea where this came from. I realize this is so beyond the truth, or even an offshoot of the truth as possible. Don't ask, just please don't ask. I hope this brought at least a smile to your faces. If you really want to know, below are the children; their names, ages, and genders; and their mothers. I hope you enjoyed. Please don't kill me…

Jessica  Tiffany (f) - 9 Bryan (m) - 8

Brittany  Michelle (f) - 2

Lauren  Keaton (m) - 6 Sylvan (m) - 5 Fintan (m) - 3 Faye (f) - 1

Isobel  **preggers**

Marie  Antony (m) - 7

Krystal  Lana (f) - 9

Stephanie  Sarah (f) - 6 Mitch (m) - 4

Arly  **preggers**

Arleth  Janiya (f) - 9 Konner (m) - 7 Yareli (f) - 4 Aedan (m) - 2 Barnett (m) - 1

Sophia  Jacinda (f) - 7

Tacita  Miguel (m) - 5 Antoine (m) - 2

Tryna  Kahoku (m) - 5

Cordelia  Kaleena (f) - 3

Cytheria  Holly (f) - 4

Owena  Makana (f) - 6

Questa  **preggers** (not preggers at the end of the fic)

Jerica  Ulani (m) - 1

Jovita  Michael (m) - 8 Jolynn (f) - 8

Jennifer  Elizabeth (f) - 3

M - 14

F - 13

Preggers3


End file.
